Hello and thank you for joining me on this emotional roller coaster that I would never wish on anyone. If you've never been to this blog before let me tell you some things that might help you. Its better to start at the beginning and for me that was 12/30/2009...if you look to the right you will see blog archive,you can start at the top and work your way down.The beginning is April 18, 2010, It just makes it easier. And everyone please feel free to leave comments or anything you want. I know alot of you have your own special memories that maybe you want to share. Its up to you. I will tell you that this blog is very blunt and very real. Im sorry if it offends anyone , thats not my intention. When I first starting writing it I knew that I would end up telling alot of my little "secrets". But , for me to find my healing I had to face who I really was and the life history that has made me the woman I am today.These are my opinions and views. But, ultimately this is for me not you. So , thank you again and may God bless u.



Cina



Tuesday, June 15, 2010

February 2010

Went through most of this month in a haze. I got very good at self medicating myself. I hardly ever leave my room. Im so scared of the world. If I went somewhere it was torture. I hate everyone in the entire world. Im up at night and its hard. Jessica is gone from me. Ive neglected her in my grief and she left me. I dont blame her. Im not a very good mother right now. The whole world has just gone on spinning and Im here ... stuck. People are asking me to go places and be happy. Are they crazy? I dont want to go anywhere. I wanna lay here and just die.



I cant pray. Im so mad at God.
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