Its the last day of the year and my son is still not home. The house is full of people. My house has never been so full before. So many family and friends are coming and going. With each new face I have to go through it all over again. I hold them as they cry and try to comfort them. I can have no comfort. My baby is dead. Its not a reality to me. It doesn't seem real. Maybe because I havent seen him ,it hurts but its not real.My daughter Jessica is in and out of it. Every time she wakes up I shove sleeping pills down her throat to knock her out again.Its better this way.I don't want her to have to think about it. They are setting up tables and people are bringing food. I am not hungry. Food doesn't taste right.
My sister comes to stay with me and that's comforting. My mom is here but when I look at her my heart breaks. I'm glad she has her cousin here to comfort her.
Late tonight, me, Joshua and My sister go outside and pop Phillips fireworks. He was saving them for New Years Eve and here it is. But , he cant pop them. So I'm standing outside and I'm crying and we are popping fireworks. Everywhere around us I hear pops and bangs and I'm yelling, "This is for you , daddy. These are all for you son." What a sight I must have been.
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This was another of those songs that I needed.
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