Hello and thank you for joining me on this emotional roller coaster that I would never wish on anyone. If you've never been to this blog before let me tell you some things that might help you. Its better to start at the beginning and for me that was 12/30/2009...if you look to the right you will see blog archive,you can start at the top and work your way down.The beginning is April 18, 2010, It just makes it easier. And everyone please feel free to leave comments or anything you want. I know alot of you have your own special memories that maybe you want to share. Its up to you. I will tell you that this blog is very blunt and very real. Im sorry if it offends anyone , thats not my intention. When I first starting writing it I knew that I would end up telling alot of my little "secrets". But , for me to find my healing I had to face who I really was and the life history that has made me the woman I am today.These are my opinions and views. But, ultimately this is for me not you. So , thank you again and may God bless u.



Cina



Wednesday, April 28, 2010

01/11/2010- Hiding From The World

Its Monday. My daughter gets up to go to school and I panic. "I cant let you go , im sorry ," I tell her. "Please just give me one more day?"
She agrees and goes back to sleep. I sit there looking at her and im so scared. I dont want her to ever leave this house again. The devil came and stole my son what if he wants to take my daughter too. Everyone gets up and gets ready for work . I hate the way they look at me . "You havent slept have you?" They all say. I just shake my head. I want to yell and cuss them out. There is this ugliness inside of me. I hate it. Im not a mean person but peoples questions seem stupid to me. Everything sounds stupid. Nothing makes sense. I cant wait for everyone to leave.

Everyone leaves and Im wishing they were back. Im so confused. Jessica is asleep and I dont want to wake her up so I go take a shower. I want to cry. But I need to be alone to do it.

I get out of the shower and I take some sleeping pills someone gave me. Im not a pill taker but Im so tired. I sleep like the dead...I wish.
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