I'm gonna try to go to work again. I'm trying , I am. I don't show anyone my pain. If I see them looking at me , I look away. My pain is my own. I don't wanna share it with anyone. I'm greedy , he was mine.
The day is actually going pretty good. I have moments but I hold them in and actually move past them. That's a first. I'm working hard and it feels great. But , I guess with all this optimism I am only setting myself up for failure. I get a message that the insurance company is trying to get ahold of me. I pray before I call. God says have faith where there is none. OK God , imma give ya this one...
The woman tells me , "Mrs .Duran, we have decided that your son was at fault so therefore we are only prepared to pay a portion of his funeral and a month of your rent."
"It was an accident woman " I reply , "He was only a child how was he at fault? No one ever means to get in an accident that's why they are called ACCIDENTS!!!" I turn into a crazy woman. Someone takes the phone from me and I fall to my knees. Its not his fault...he was a baby. He cant be blamed. He was my baby and your telling me it was his fault?? No No No , I cant handle that. I have to leave work. I'm a mess. I go to my moms and just curl up on the couch and cry. I don't want money , that's not it. But I don't want Phillip to be responsible. I want him to be this perfect innocent child and they are taking that away from me. Maybe it was his fault but I don't care .
This feels too much like he took himself away from me. And he knew better.
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