A Memory I'd Like to share -

When I found out that I was pregnant with Phillip it was not a good time for me . Well let me back up ....when I found out I was pregnant with Jessica it was the happiest day of my life. It was the most wonderful pregnancy because she was so wanted and loved by everyone. My life was full of my family , surrounded by everyone I loved.

So...back to Phillip...

When I found out I was pregnant with him life was really hard for me . Me and Andrew were having alot of problems. I filed for divorce. Jessica was like one and a half then , and consumed every single second of my time . Two weeks after I left Andy after our worst fight ever...I know I'm pregnant. My mom kept telling me that I was. I didn't believe her. I kept saying no no no. Well one day I took off work early and I went to the clinic. I didn't tell anyone , I just snuck off by myself. I remember sitting there filling out the paperwork and I was praying not to be pregnant. I just couldn't do it , I had too many things to deal with right now. My marriage was over and I was living with my mom again.

Well, obviously the test was positive.

I drove out to the Texas City Dike and sat there by the water and cried and cried.
I did not want another baby. Jessica was the most spoiled little girl ever and I couldn't do it again. I spent too much time devoted to her. I sat there for hours and I prayed. I prayed that God would give me a miscarriage.

I decided to have an abortion. When I was a teenager I got pregnant three times. I didn't have a child until I was 21 years old and that was Jessica. I had three abortions. I didn't want to be a mother , I was too selfish and self- centered. I thought the world revolved around me and was having the party of my life. I was a drunk drug addicted teenager living on her own and I had three abortions. I have dealt with it. It was mistakes that I made.....

So , I decide that this time I need to have another abortion. I made me an appointment but never went.

I am so glad that this time I made the right choice.......

When I was 30 weeks along in my pregnancy my doctor ordered me on total bed rest in the hospital. This was the time that I really began to get to know my son. I was finally so happy to be having another child. All my fears and worries meant nothing because there was this miracle growing inside of me.He moved constantly , he was very active , day and night.

When I was 35 weeks pregnant I woke up one night in the hospital and I was sick. I was nauseous and throwing up. My doctor came and did an ultrasound and examination and told me I was going right then for an emergency cesarean. My baby was in distress. I was terrified . I grab the phone and try to call Andrew , no answer. I tried to call my mother in law, no answer. I tried to call my mom , sister and friend. Still no answer. So I knew I ws going to do this alone. I was crying so bad and they were prepping me for surgery and I was just shaking and terrified that my baby was going to die. I remembered the times when I begged God to let me have a miscarriage and I tried to bargain with God that if he let my son live that I would love him every day of his life. I prayed that God would forgive me for the other three children that I aborted and just give me a chance to be a mother again. I just knew that God was gonna take him from me because I hadn't appreciated him enough.

And then...

Like a voice in the back of my head I hear my fathers voice. He says , "Tricina , quit crying. Your son is going to be fine. Everyone is gonna think he's sick but he's not."

Suddenly I felt so relaxed. I stopped crying and I knew that everything was gonna be okay. Phillip was born five weeks premature and weighed 8lbs 7 1/2 ounces. He was a big boy but his lungs were not developed yet. He went straight to the NICU. The first time I saw him he was covered in wires and surrounded by machines. He had an IV in his head and one in his foot.They had used medicine to paralyze him and he was completely dependant on a machine to breathe for him. He didn't breathe on his own till he was three days old.He looked so helpless laying there bright red , because his skin pigment wasn't ready yet.
But , I dint worry about him .
I knew he was going to be okay because my father told me so. When he was one day old and the specialist told me he had a 15% percent chance to live , I didn't worry. When he finally came off oxygen and the doctors told me that he might be a slow learner or develop slowly , I did not worry.

And he turned out to be the most healthy, fat and smartest child ever. He rarely even got sick. And he was a natural born athlete with strong lungs. He was strong.